just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize