I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
