It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
