my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
