i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
