Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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