I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
