so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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