everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
