i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize