How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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