If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
