So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
