home. puking in laundry basket.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
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