the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
