We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
