WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
