well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
