New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
