My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize