he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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