I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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