i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
