Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
