pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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