I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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