I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
