i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
