I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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