My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize