genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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