I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
what day is it and did you see me today?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
