doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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