My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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