Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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