Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Your cock deserves a montage
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize