You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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