they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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