nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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