Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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