Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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