My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Redeem this text for a blowjob
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
