Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
