I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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