i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
