I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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