Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
