he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
