fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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