I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
