You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize