I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
