Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
