If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
