is wine microwaveable?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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