It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
