I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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