I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
