Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize