Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
