People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
