I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
