i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
