I met the friendliest cop last night
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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