Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize