college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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