he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
