Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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