I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
