I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
