girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
