He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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