it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
