Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We named our party play list daddy issues
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
