and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
