ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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