just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
