Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
