i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
