I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
