Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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