How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
