Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
