Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
