i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
