living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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