I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
