I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She even gives head with a lisp.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Come share oat with me in your robe
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
