Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
