Sponge bath it is.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
