my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
