Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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