I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
