After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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