i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
