Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
