elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
