MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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