i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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