I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
