Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
