i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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