her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize