please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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