I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So gin and wine won't be happening again
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
