Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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