STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
There's even glitter on my cock...
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