I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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