Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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