Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
