just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
