WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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